Dylan Greene dot com

There's a movie in theaters now that is unlike any movie I've seen before.

It's a documentary.

About a joke.

It's about a joke you've probably never even heard before, and if you heard it for the first time, you probably wouldn't even get it.

And it was one of funniest movies I've ever seen.

The joke:

The set up is always the same - a father goes to a vaudeville talent agent and says he has a family act. The punchline is always the same "What do you call your act?" "The Aristocrats!" The act is always different, improvised, and is amazingly offensive, vulgar, downright disgusting, and described in intricate detail by comedians with perfect timing and expressions.

I have to see the movie again to catch the lines i missed because I was laughing so hard.

• Video: Trailer - safe for work
• Video: South Park's version of the joke - not safe for work (spoiler alert: this is from the film)
• Who's in it: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436078/
• Show times from Google
• Office web site

Wow, right after I posted how confusing Dell's multitude of computer offerings is, Microsoft repeats the problem with their XBOX 360. Why must there be two different versions at launch? I expect that the people who often buy these systems are parents and grandparents - how are they to understand which one is which and which one their child wants? What if the store only has the cheaper one - can they upgrade it to the more expensive version or is that impossible? What if the store doesn't have the accessories they need just to play a game?

I'm also disappointed that a hard drive, wireless controller, and HD cable are not standard with both versions. Common, this is next gen!

Here's the announcement, copied from MajorNelson.com.

Microsoft Announces Xbox 360 Price for Europe and North America: Starts at $299.99 U.S./€299.99/£209.99
Feature-packed system brings high-definition gaming to the masses this holiday season.
LEIPZIG, Germany — Aug. 17, 2005 — Ending weeks of speculation about which upcoming video game platform will give gamers the most bang for their buck, today at the German Games Convention, Microsoft Corp. revealed that consumers can get their hands on Xbox 360™ — the most powerful and feature-packed next-generation video game and entertainment system — for as little as $299.99 U.S./€299.99/£209.99 starting this holiday season. For gamers who want to experience the ultimate digital entertainment thrill ride, Microsoft also announced a model with hundreds of dollars worth of accessories for $399.99 U.S./€399.99/£279.99, giving consumers the definitive entertainment experience at an unbelievable value right out of the box.
The Xbox 360 and Xbox 360 Core System — along with an impressive lineup of high-definition game titles from the world’s best publishers and developers — will make their debut in North America, Europe and Japan in time for this Christmas holiday, several months ahead of the competition. Although details for the Japan launch will be addressed at the Tokyo Game Show in September, the unprecedented three-region launch signifies an industry first. The Xbox 360 platform will deliver the most powerful console, the best games, the next generation of the Xbox Live® service, and amazing digital entertainment experiences never seen in console entertainment.
“The sheer entertainment value of Xbox 360 cannot be overstated,” said Robbie Bach, chief Xbox officer for Microsoft. “While the system has the muscle to power awe-inspiring graphics, audio and online play, it’s also got the intelligence to serve as a one-of-a-kind entertainment device that plays CDs, DVDs, MP3s and digital content from an array of devices, including portable music players and digital cameras.”
With its built-in Ethernet port and free Silver level of service right out of the box, Xbox 360 also connects players to Xbox Live, the premier global online console games and entertainment network. With Xbox Live, gamers can chat with friends online, build and share gamer profiles, send and receive text and voice messages, and access Xbox Live Marketplace for new content such as game demos, trailers and casual games from Xbox Live Arcade. Subscribers to the Gold level of service will also enjoy access to online multiplayer gaming in their favorite games, as well as great promotional programs such as worldwide tournaments, the chance to play online with their favorite celebrities, and opportunities to win big prizes.

For gamers who want the ultimate experience (and the best value) right out of the box, Microsoft will offer the $399.99 U.S./€399.99/£279.99 Xbox 360 console. This premium edition — distinguished by signature metallic detailing on the console itself — comes fully loaded for the ultimate gaming experience, with components and accessories that would cost more than $200 if sold separately:
• Xbox 360 console. Sexy styling that packs a punch — three powerful core processors are poised to pump out 720p/1080i output, 16×9 cinematic aspect ratio, anti-aliasing for smooth textures, full surround sound and DVD playback right out of the box.
• Xbox 360 Hard Drive (20 GB). 20 GB and detachable, the hard drive allows gamers to store their games, music, downloaded trailers, levels, demos and community-created content from Xbox Live Marketplace.
• Xbox 360 Wireless Controller. Hassle-free high-performance precision wireless gaming features the Xbox® Guide Button for quick access to digital movies, music and games libraries as well as a range and battery life of up to 30 feet and 30 hours of life on two AA batteries.
• Xbox 360 Faceplate. The removable Faceplate comes in stylish “chill” (white) and can be swapped out with custom Faceplates to reflect gamers’ personalities or decor.
• Xbox 360 Headset. This lets gamers strategize with teammates or trash-talk opponents while playing games on Xbox Live.
• Xbox 360 Component HD-AV Cable. This connects gamers to the world of Xbox 360 games and graphics through high-definition and standard-definition connections.
• Xbox Live Silver membership. With this, gamers can chat with friends online, send and receive voice and text messages, and access new content from Xbox Live Marketplace demos such as trailers and casual games from Xbox Live Arcade.
• A bonus Media Remote. Included for a limited time, the integrated control center for the entire digital experience lets consumers play DVDs, movies and music, as well as access their Windows® XP Media Center Edition 2005-based PC’s controls with a single remote.

At $299.99 U.S./€299.99/£209.99, the Xbox 360 Core System comes standard with what consumers need to jump right into next-generation games and media, and is fully expandable to the complete Xbox 360 experience:
• Xbox 360 console. As with the premium edition, three powerful core processors pump out 720p/1080i output, 16×9 cinematic aspect ratio, anti-aliasing for smooth textures, full surround sound and DVD playback right out of the box.
• Xbox 360 Controller. This wired controller features an extended nine-foot cable and a comfortable, enhanced ergonomic design.
• Xbox 360 Faceplate. Like no other console before, the Xbox 360 console allows customization and a removable Faceplate that comes in stylish “chill” (white), which can be swapped out with other custom Faceplates to reflect gamers’ personalities or decor.
• Xbox 360 Standard AV Cable. This connects gamers to the world of Xbox 360, delivering great next-generation graphics and games using standard-definition connections.

The Xbox 360 console also comes ready for customization. With an array of Xbox 360 accessories, gamers can trick out their systems to suit their individual tastes and personalize their experiences. In addition to an ever-growing selection of eye-catching Faceplates ($19.99 U.S./€19.99/£14.99), Xbox 360 Controller (estimated retail price $39.99 U.S./€34.99/£24.99*) and Component HD AV Cable (estimated retail price $39.99 U.S./€29.99/£19.99*), the lineup includes a wealth of accessories that brings next-generation gaming entertainment to its optimum:

• Xbox 360 Hard Drive (20 GB). 20 GB and detachable, the hard drive allows gamers to store their games, music, downloaded trailers, levels, demos and community-created content from Xbox Live Marketplace and more (estimated retail price $99.99 U.S./€99.99/£69.99*).

• Xbox 360 Memory Unit (64 MB). Easily portable, this lets gamers save games, in-game achievements and unique gamer profiles for quick and easy access on the go (estimated retail price $39.99 U.S./€34.99/£22.99*).

• Xbox 360 Wireless Controller. The same hassle-free high-performance precision wireless gaming that comes with the premium edition features the Xbox Guide Button for quick access to digital movies, music and games libraries as well as a range and battery life of up to 30 feet and 30 hours of life on two AA batteries (estimated retail price $49.99 U.S./€44.99/£32.99*).

• Xbox 360 Play & Charge Kit. This allows plug and play for high-performance, precision wireless gaming with the Xbox 360 Wireless Controller. Gamers will be given ample warning when the end of battery life is nearing so they can connect the Play & Charge cable for uninterrupted play (estimated retail price $19.99 U.S./€19.99/£14.99*).

• Xbox 360 rechargeable battery pack. This provides up to 25 hours of gameplay for wireless gaming fun (estimated retail price $11.99 U.S./€14.99/£9.99*).

• Xbox 360 Wireless Networking Adapter. With this, gamers can chat with friends and play games via Xbox Live, as well as stream videos and music to Xbox 360 from a Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005-based PC, all without the clutter of wires (estimated retail price $99.99 U.S./€79.99 /£59.99*).

• Xbox 360 Headset. This heightens the Xbox Live experience by letting gamers strategize with teammates or trash-talk opponents while playing games (estimated retail price $19.99 U.S./€19.99/£14.99*).

• Xbox 360 Universal Media Remote. Sold as an accessory, this integrated control center for the entire digital experience lets consumers play DVDs, movies and music, as well as control a TV and their Windows XP Media Center Edition 2005-based PC controls with a single controller (estimated retail price $29.99 U.S./€29.99/£19.99*).

• Xbox 360 S-Video AV Cable (U.S. only) Xbox 360 SCART AV Cable (Europe only). This versatile cable works for both high-definition and standard-definition TVs that use S-Video or composite video inputs. It provides optimal audio and video signal transfer (estimated retail price $29.99 U.S./€24.99/£17.99*).

• Xbox 360 VGA HD AV Cable. Gamers can experience high-definition gaming on flat-panel TV or VGA monitors. This cable provides optimal audio and video signal transfer (estimated retail price $39.99 U.S./€29.99/£19.99*).

“With both the Xbox 360 and the Xbox 360 Core System, we’re offering consumers real choice and real value,” said Peter Moore, corporate vice president of worldwide marketing and publishing for the Home Entertainment Division at Microsoft. “We’re bringing true next-generation experiences into gamers’ living rooms this Christmas holiday.”

*subject to change

What do you think?

I'm trying to help a friend who is a student teacher purchase an affordable computer. We decided to go with Dell because they have some great discounts.

I've built computers for the last 10 years and I'm overwhelmed with all the choices on Dell's "Desktops starting at $299!" web site.

What does it say about a novice trying to pick out a computer when somebody highly technical like me can't figure out what to get?

Some things wrong with their web site:

1. Pop-in ads for the page I'm already on.
2. Huge ads on the top and side for the page I'm already on and discounts that have nothing to do with what the offers I'm currently looking at.
3. Too much fine print about rebates, credit cards, and discounts.
4. Too much technical details such as processor FSB speed (800), RAM bus speed (400 MHz), hard drive RPM (7200), and model numbers of monitors (E193FP)
5. Too many links to apply for a dell credit card - over 50 links on that one page!

What Dell needs to do to fix it:

1. Offer three choices: Cheap, Good, and Powerful.
2. Ask the users what's most important to them. Maybe they can only spend $600, and are willing to get smaller hard drive in order to get a larger monitor.
3. Stop trying to up sell so hard. The $299 Dell Desktop has thousands of dollars in extra up sell, from high end monitors to software, services, and even USB thumb drives. Is somebody buying a $299 computer going to add a monitor that costs more than the machine? Are they going to add a $150 printer when there isn't even a picture of the printer to help them decide?

The offending page: http://www1.us.dell.com/content/topics/segtopic.aspx/odg_special49?c=us&cs=19&l=en&s=dhs

From Apple's site "Introducing the innovative mouse that reinvents the wheel — the scroll wheel. Mighty Mouse features the amazing Scroll Ball that lets you move anywhere inside a document, literally without lifting a finger." - They're charging $49.00 and it's selling like crazy.

It looks cool, but that "amazing Scroll Ball" is pretty small, and the "force-sensing side buttons" are getting negative reviews for bad placement and strange design (both buttons do the same thing). Compaq seems to have solved these problems, many many years ago:

Compaq Trackball Optical Mouse
$9.99

Ars Technicia took apart Apple's new mouse and found that, instead of real mouse buttons, it uses the sort of touch-sensitive plastic found in practially all microwaves today, so to give the user that satisfying "click" sound, the mouse actually has a speaker in it. I love how geeky that is, but whatever happened to "keep it simple" and what about the satisfying click "feel"?